Friendship

On 6 May 2004, 52.5 million viewers set the record for the most-watched television show of the 2000s. It was the final show of one of the most popular and highest-grossing TV series of all time - Friends. (I confess that I am yet to watch a single one of its 236 episodes).

The early church was known for its friendship. The Second Century writer Tertullian famously captured the mood amongst unbelievers who observed Christianity from the outside, when he reported them saying: “See how these Christians love one another and how they are ready to die for one another.”

There are several New Testament words that can mean ‘love’ but one of the most commonly used is philia – sometimes translated into English as ‘friendship’.

At the start of the Bible, there is a running theme of friendship with God. Adam and Eve walked and talked with God in the garden but, after the Fall, their friendship with God broke down. Abraham and Moses were called God’s friends but, as the Old Testament unfolds, they stand out as rare exceptions.


When Jesus came, everything changed. He laid down his life for his friends. “I no longer call you servants… I have called you friends” he said to his disciples. The Quakers called their movement “The Religious Society of Friends” because of what Jesus said in John 15.14; “You are my friends, if you do what I command you.”
 Jesus built his ministry on friendship; people sneered and labelled him “a friend of tax collectors and sinners.” Even to Judas, at the very moment of betrayal, Jesus said, “Friend, do what you came to do.”

Reading the epistles, you can't help but notice that the apostle Paul formed strong and affectionate friendships everywhere he went. He often addressed congregations in his letters as “my dear friends.” Amazingly, in Romans 16, he could warmly greet by name 29 people in a church he had not yet visited. That shows how relational (and mobile) the early church was.

Reflecting this, the mission statement of the family of churches to whom we belong, ChristCentral, begins with; Being friends enjoying God together *

Friendship is a notable feature of healthy and strong churches. Founding pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, Rick Warren has perceptively said, “People aren't looking for a friendly church, they're looking for a church where they can make friends.” A cheerful smile at the door and good coffee are a great start, but most people want - and need - more.

I love it that our Sunday morning hosts often exhort us to look out for newcomers and say hello. I need that gentle nudge week by week to venture out from where I’m comfortable into the “zone of the unknown.”

In a large and growing church like King’s, it must be quite daunting for newcomers to find their way in and begin to properly feel at home. And it’s a challenge for those of us who are already settled too. It’s understandable that we gravitate to our circles of friends for support and encouragement and prayer, and these are good things. But it’s vital that we don’t allow ourselves to become cliquey. We would do well to take some inspiration from the Friends theme tune; “When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, I'll be there for you.”

“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4.11).

* ChristCentral's four distinctives are:

+ Being friends enjoying God together

+ Building grace-filled churches empowered by Word and Spirit

+ Advancing the Kingdom, transforming communities

+ Reaching nations, making disciples